A Few Good Men (1992) Starring Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson, Demi Moore
LAST SEEN: “So this is what a courtroom looks like.”
OPENS WITH: Inspired by the recessed ceilings and crown molding, Lieutenant Daniel Kaffee abandons the law and seen touring America’s favorite architecture. Turns out he really didn’t know what a courtroom looked like.
Jo became a stripper at her favorite crab shack.
Down a few good men, the government reinstates Robert Mueller to fill in on a special case.
One night he’s startled by a man in the backseat of his car. James Comey tells him to keep driving.
“What do you know?”
“I know everything”
“Did Trump collude with Russia?”
“Did Trump give the order?”
“Did you witness it?”
“I didn’t have to. I just know.”
“Good enough for me. We’re going to get you a deal.”
Back at the safe house, Former FBI Director Comey changes into full cross-dress uniform, draws the remote from his dresser, binges “The Apprentice” and takes a handful of Trump steaks until he violently falls dead to the floor.
The next morning, all out of witnesses, Mueller stands,
“The Prosecution calls President Donald J. Trump.”
Trump is escorted in, adorned with medals he won during the Trump Olympics.
“President Trump, when you learned of…”
“Let me tell you, Mueller, if you haven’t gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you’re just letting the best in life pass you by.”
“Sir, I didn’t ask about…”
“Of course, I’m the President, so I just salute myself in the morning.”
“I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t tell you that you are under oath and obliged to listen to the questioning before answering.”
“Wow…I’m sexually aroused, Mueller.”
“President Trump, did you collude with Russia?
“You can’t handle the truth.”
“President Trump did…”
“Your goddamn right I did!”
Silence is broken by Melania cheering in the front row.
“Please the court, he just like, admitted it, so, damn it. I’m not sure what to do here.”
Melania screams, “Rip the eyes out of his head and piss into his dead skull!”
“Well, that escalated quickly. Instead, may I suggest immediate impeachment and imprisonment.”
“What the hell is going on? I am getting on my plane and going back to Mar-a-Lago. All you did is weaken a country today Mueller-son.”
As Trump is taken away, the music swells and Mueller wanders towards the exit. He turns around,
“So this is what beveled wood siding looks like.”