Coming to America 2: Randy Watson, American Idol

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Coming to America (1988)

Starring Mel B’s Baby Daddy

LAST SEEN: Akeem riding off into the sunset with his chosen queen.

OPENS IN:  January 2003

Ryan Seacrest: “Welcome back to American Idol, Season 2.  As some of you know, my co-host Brian Dunkleman has decided not to return.  He said hosting this show would never be a springboard to any future success.  We wish you luck with Brian Dunkleman productions.

First up, a teenager who claims to have a rare premature aging disease.  Let’s take a look at his life back in Queens.

The package opens with footsteps down the sidewalk.

“My name is Randy Watson.  I’m 21 years old and from Jackson Heights.  Yeah.  This area has really been hit hard.  See that – over there.  That was McDowell’s.  Some guy was making a documentary about fast food.  He was only going to eat there for like a month.  But he died after 2 days.  They shut down after that.

There is the old Soul Glo factory.

(Singing) Just let your Soul Glo.

The son was supposed to take over the business but decided to be an E.R. doctor instead.

This here is my main man, Reverend Brown.”

Reverend Brown: “Who helped Gilligan get off the island? Mr. Randy Watson, YES! Randy Watson!”

“Yeah.  He lost his mind.  He was accused of harassing some of the Miss Black Awareness pageant contestants.  He was never the same after that.”

Cut to Randy singing Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All”.  Members of the audience reluctantly clap at the end.  “Give a hand to my band, Sexual Chocolate.”“Yeah.  I think I can be the next American Idol.  (Exaggerated Cough) If my disease doesn’t get me first.”

(American Idol Commercial Break Sound Effect)

Randy walks into the audition room.

Paula Abdul: “Oh no.  Maximum age is 24, sir.  Security!”

Randy Jackson: “I know this guy, dawg.  He was Joe the Policeman from the “What’s Going Down” episode of “That’s My Momma.”  He’s like 60 years old.”

Simon Cowell: “I will deal with him myself.”

Ryan Seacrest is waiting for Randy outside the audition.  His friends from the barbershop are there waiting with Congratulations signs.

Randy sobs quietly into Clarence’s shoulder.  Clarence slams open the audition room door:

F-YOU! F-YOU AND F- YOU! Who’s next?

 

THE END


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